i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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