That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
