a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
