Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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