Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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