why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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