We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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