I think I am morally bankrupt
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize