Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
