So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
