Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just blew my weed a kiss
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
