and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
