worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
