yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
You left your phone here
Wait...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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