Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
