where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
