I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
