I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
