...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
