she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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