dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
