Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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