Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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