You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
