so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
