There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Girls should come with a carfax report
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We need to get me chipped asap
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
