just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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