Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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