Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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