wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Do vagina's smell?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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