Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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