I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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