Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize