Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
