i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
don't judge my taste in strippers
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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