I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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