They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she looked like the before picture.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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