is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
