I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
