i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Found the puke drawer
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
