Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
