Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
