A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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