My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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