I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
