He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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