I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
