Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
