Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just invented taco cereal.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
