I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
