i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
