i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
