Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
