look no pants
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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