you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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