somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
