Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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