she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
