Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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