I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
