I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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