My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize