My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I need to sanitize my soul.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
