ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
