Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
