Apparently you make a good broom.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
