Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
