i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize