Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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