Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
