he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
how drunk are you?
Several
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
