You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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