I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
