I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize